Weird noises

I was just about to start this post off with something incredibly witty but I’ve been thrown by the somewhat disturbing screeching coming from outside my window. I’m assuming a fox was killing something, perhaps the wild cat I mentioned in an earlier post. It’s stopped now, but I’ve totally lost my train of thought, and it’s time for Invasion.

Rant update

I found out today that the release date for the P990i is May 2006. That’s five months away. I can only think of the following reasons for such a long delay:

• There’s an inherent problem with the handset that needs fixing
• Sony Ericsson are waiting for more network providers to roll out 3G services
• Sony Ericsson are bastards and are making people wait for shits and giggles
  

I think it’s the last one. After all, if I made those sort of decisions I’d do it.

A quick rant

It’s time for a rant. This one’s directed at Sony Ericsson, in particular their mobile phone division. It’s not that they don’t make great phones, because they do, it’s more the fact that they make great phones that I can’t buy because the one I want still doesn’t have a release date.

The model in question is the P990i, a truly brilliant little smart phone with every feature you could possibly ask for, and a few extra ones too. I’m not going to turn this in to an advert but suffice to say, it’s a neat little gadget and I want one. I was going to buy the previous model, but it got discontinued the day before I went to buy it. I didn’t think this was too much of a problem, as I expected SE to release the next model quickly. That was nearly two months ago and I’m still waiting to find out when the new phone’s going to be released, let alone how much it’s likely to cost.

Maybe I’m missing something here but I really can’t see what thought processes were behind the decision to discontinue the phone before the new model was ready. The only thing that’s stopping me from going and buying a phone from a different manufacturer is that as far as I can tell the P990i is the only phone that does everything I want the way I want, and I do like SE phones a lot. Oh, and because Motorola’s phones feature a strange quirk in the software that means they switch to their loud profiles when you charge them. Oh, and I have a thing about not owning a Nokia, not that they make bad phones (I’ve had two) but because they seem to be a bit, ahem, “Chavvy”.

Oh my God, I’ve turned in to a phone snob.

Big cat diary

One of the local papers this week has a story about a guy who was out walking his dog and saw a wild cat of some type. The article says that the man in question estimates that the cat was about a foot high and a foot and a half long, and that he thought it might have been a Lynx. All well and good.

The article then goes on to quote a bloke who’s part of the big cat society, who says (and I quote) “This sighting could be that of a Lynx or bobcat….however, Lynxes are about four feet long and this man says the animal he saw was less than half this length”.

So, that’s that then, it can’t possibly have been a Lynx. An expert says so. Now, I’m no expert in big cats (insert your own joke here if you wish) but I’m willing to bet that Lynxes aren’t born fully grown (if they are then fair play to female Lynxes, that must smart somewhat). Maybe I’m missing something, but surely the bloke walking his dog just might have seen a young Lynx as opposed to a fully grown one.

I’m therefore going to put forward the notion that the bloke is a moron and shouldn’t be considered an expert in anything, partly because he’s obviously stupid and partly because I like the idea of ‘The beast of Bexley’ roaming around, possibly hunting stray animals and ramblers.

Headline news

I perhaps shouldn’t make light of bird flu, especially if the press is to be believed and we’re heading for a pandemic, but I couldn’t help but smile the other day when Sky News showed the headline “Bird Flu in Turkey”. I always preferred chicken anyway…

I’m fairly sure there must be people who work for various news agencies who purposefully try to slip amusing headlines in to serious news programmes (getting a pun in to a tabloid rag doesn’t count). I applaud the scamp, again from Sky News, who put a caption on the screen in front of George W. Bush during the hurricane in New Orleans – “Bush: Worst ever disaster to hit United States” – sheer genius. You can’t tell me that was an accident.

I’m sure there are plenty of situations out there that lend themselves to this type of japery. I can imagine a story in a local paper about a new weight watchers club with the headline “New faces all round at Weight Watchers”. If you’ve got any more feel free to add them as comments.

Spam, spam, spam and spam.....

I’ve had an idea. I’m going to create a service that allows people to sign up for spam. Most people hate spam; I’m indifferent as I don’t actually get any in the Email accounts I use, only in my hotmail account which never gets looked at anyway, but I’m willing to bet there are people out there who actually like getting spam Emails.

I’m guessing these are fairly lonely people who don’t get many normal Email messages, and find the feeling of receiving an Email, even an unsolicited one offering Viagra or perhaps the chance to win a holiday, nice. It probably makes them feel wanted.

Therefore, I’ll allow these individuals to log on to my site, register their email address and I’ll then sell the addresses to all the spammers I can find, who can then send junk to my visitors to their hearts content.

I will of course need to ensure that people can’t just sign their friends or enemies up on their behalf, so I’ll obviously send an email out to any registered addresses with a confirmation link (although I’ll assume that delivery is as good as confirmation in order to speed things up slightly).

Just in case anyone’s beaten me to this, and is thinking of signing me up in an ironic sort of way, my email address is: bill.gates@microsoft.com

Oh, and in case that seems vindictive, I’ve just spent the last two and a half hours rebuilding my laptop after Windows decided it didn’t want to recognise my hard disk any more (funnily enough the first time I powered up after running a defrag). Coincidence? Maybe, but I’m blaming Bill

A new year, a new post

It’s been a long time since my last post, and since then Christmas and the New Year have been and gone. I’ve learnt a few things over the festive period:

• TV schedules actually can get worse than normal
• Vodka not giving you a hangover is a myth
• Drinking 7 pints before the office Christmas boat party isn’t the best of ideas
• Family guy is hilarious
• Nicotine patches hurt when you take them off
  

Talking of nicotine patches, I noticed something in the little leaflet that comes in the box:

“The nicotine [in the patch] is sufficient to relieve the unpleasant withdrawal symptoms such as restlessness, irritability, headaches, inability to concentrate, light headedness or dizziness”.

All well and good, you may think. That is if course, until you reach the part about the side effects of using the patches, which may include:

“Headache, dizziness, impaired concentration, anxiety, irritability”

So if I’ve got this right, the majority of the side effects are the same as the withdrawal symptoms you get from quitting smoking. Hmmm, and I paid about £30 for two weeks worth of these things...

It’s nearly as stupid as the system for getting cash out of the ATM using an American Express card. Apparently, if you decide to use your AMEX card to draw cash, the amount isn’t added to the balance of your AMEX account, oh no. Instead, the amount comes straight out of your current account. Oh, and you get charged for it. Seems to me like it’s just as easy, and somewhat cheaper, to use the card your bank provide you for making ATM withdrawals.