Flower power

Ok, I'm somewhat confused. I saw an advert recently for flower scented tampons. I'd have loved to have been in that meeting:

"Stu, how do we get more people buying OUR brand of sanitary product?"
"I know, let's make them smell of flowers, because people often comment on how tampons don't smell of flowers"
"Fantastic, I'll get on to marketting stat."

Of course, they may have discussed scents first...

"Vanilla?"
"No"
"Strawberries?"
"Hmm, maybe, what else you got?"
"Fish?"
"Hell no!"
"Burning wood?"
"Nice, like that. Anything else?"
"Flowers!"
"Flowers?"
"Flowers."
"Flowers it is...."

Samuel L. God

According to weekly email Popbitch, Samuel L Jackson is going to be the voice of God in a new audio version of the bible.

No joke, SLJ is going to be voicing God. I can imagine it now:

Noah, fetch two of every animal and put them in a big motherfucking boat. Except sharks, don't get any sharks. Oh, and while you're there, get me a big kahuna burger and a Sprite.

Genius.

Beerkegikstan (Part Two)

I've been doing some research (nothing particularly in depth, just a few searches on Google and Wikipedia), and it seems I'm able to have my own flag (although the chances are it won't be recognised as an 'official' flag), so that's good.

Unfortunately the legality of claiming an island as my own is slightly more cloudy. There was a guy who discovered an island after a glacier moved which he claimed as his and wrote to the Norwegian goverment and the UN to claim independence, but Norway reckon it's theirs (a treaty signed in the 1920's says any land in that area of sea is theirs, although the bloke says it doesn't count as the islands wasn't discovered then).

Alex Harvey on his Island ('Nymark')

So I'm giong to have to be a bit sneaky, and claim an island on the sly. I'm hoping to find an island that meets my needs, quietly sit there for ten years and then claim it as my own under squatters rights.

I can use the ten years to design my flag.

Beerkegikistan

There’s a thing on telly at the moment about islands being created by volcanic eruptions in the sea. Which got me thinking, there must be loads of little islands out there which aren’t owned by anyone, so why not go and claim one for myself and have my own country?

I guess some countries might try and claim they already own all those little islands out there on some sort of technicality, but I reckon if you just went and found one, stuck a flag in it and set up shop, you could probably get away with it, especially if it’s a small place tucked out the way.

Obviously you’d want somewhere with a decent location (near the equator is probably preferable to somewhere near a polar ice cap) so you could get a decent tourist trade going, and you’d need somewhere big enough to fit a hotel, a pub, and a 24 hour shop, maybe somewhere about the size of the Isle of Wight, but I’m sure if you looked hard enough you’d find one.

It wouldn’t be all fun and games obviously. For a start, you’d be King, which requires at least a little work. You’d have to have some laws I suppose, like no alcohol to under 16’s, making beards illegal, that sort of thing, and you’d probably have to go around waving at people occasionally and having Tony Blair over for a game of Ker-Plunk, but I’m sure you’d still have ample time for enjoying your island.

Obviously you’d also need a token army, maybe a few kids with AK-47’s and a bloke in a dinghy with a potato gun – nothing particularly threatening but just enough to let other countries know you’re prepared to fight if they get too close.

All I need now is a map, and a flag.