Meatballs

I bought a tin of meatballs the other day, which is hardly interesting I admit. The thing is, when I got them home I noticed the label said “Meatballs in ‘tasty’ tomato sauce”. Hmm, now why did the manufacturers feel the need to put the word tasty in inverted commas? It hardly inspires confidence in the product now does it? Still, it could have been worse; it could have been the word ‘tomato’ in inverted commas. Or ‘meatballs’.

In memoriam Bruno

You may have seen in the news recently that a bear has been roaming the German countryside after crossing the border from Austria. He’s been wandering around the woods and towns, presumably trying to get tickets for the World Cup finals. He’s also been responsible for the deaths of a number of sheep and chickens, as well as the destruction of a bee hive. Oh, and he squashed a Guinea Pig.

Bruno

Obviously you have to feel for the Guinea Pig, but in the general scheme of things Bruno’s crimes weren’t particularly heinous. Unfortunately for Bruno however, the powers that be decided to get a load of hunters to track him down, and they’ve shot him. With bullets. The first thing that springs to mind is the question “why didn’t they tranquilise him and move him to a rodent-free zone?”, but unfortunately the German authorities decided death was the answer.

So what have we learnt? If you’re a bear, in Germany, don’t kill Guinea Pigs and eat bee hives, or they’ll shoot you. Schwinehunds.

Oh, and the second lesson we’ve learnt is if you want to get rid of a pesky, furry rodent, get a bear.

Spoons

Someone I used to know once hypothesised that everyone looks like Pete Townshend when they look at themselves in the back of a spoon. He was right too.

Everyone looks like Pete in the back of a spoon

Question or nominate?

The managers of the call center I provide analysis for have put up a box which members of staff can drop questions in to, the idea being said managers will then answer any questions and post them on a board. There was one fatal mistake made with this though - it's never been specified that the questions should be work related, and of course, there's always one smart-arse who will take any opportunity to take the piss. Me.

I've already left my first question in the box, namely 'What is the capital of Peru?' (I thought I'd start them off with an easy one), but I'm moving it up a notch from here on in. A few of the questions I've already thought of are:

1. How many roads must a man walk down?
2. Are white socks ever excusable?
3. If Billy has 2 plums and a banana, and Wendy has a cherry, and Billy gives Wendy his banana, what has Wendy got?
4. Who would win in a fight - Superman or He-Man?

I'm looking forward to seeing what answers they come up with for those. In case you're not sure of the answers, they are as follows:

1. 42
2. Hell no
3. Crabs
4. He-Man obviously. He's got Battlecat and a fucking huge sword

He-Man and Battlecat - rock hard!

Holes

The Beatles once sang about knowing how many holes it would take to fill the Albert Hall. Complete nonsense one might think, after all, a hole is, well, a hole. But I've been thinking about this and I think I know how to calculate the number of holes required. I'm sure the theory will require a bit of tweaking at the pub, but I'm fairly certain the principles are sound.

Firstly, we can all agree that you can't fill a physical space with holes, that's just common sense. However, I'm thinking antiholes. Antiholes, being the opposite of holes, would logically take up a physical space.

In order to make antiholes I propose accelerating normal holes to colossal speeds and then have them collide with each other - this would create antiholes. If we can ascertain how much volume the antiholes created by a standard sized hole (for example a hole five inches across and five inches deep) have, and we knew the volume of the Albert Hall, we could logically sumise the number of holes needed to fill the Albert Hall.

Go on, tell me I'm wrong.

Devil's crisp

My brother found a McCoy that looks like the sign of the devil, so I thought I'd share it...

Art isn't dull

My kid brother has created a site to display his portfolio of artwork - worth visiting, expecially if you're an employer looking for a graphic artist...

Visit here: http://www.fotolog.com/pmurrillsart