So long, farewell..... but only until next year

Well that time is upon me, where I get to leave the office and not come back for more than 2 days. I'm therefore unlikely to be near a 'net connection, unless I decide to take advantage of wi-fi connectivity in my local pub.

That being the case I won't be posting anything here until 2006, although the chances are that I'll still be writing and I'll post anything I do write upon my return.

See you in 2006!

Scams

I’m listening to a story about a woman who fell for a scam in which she was told she’d won the Spanish lottery, and then had to shell out a load of cash in order to claim her winnings. I kind of feel sorry for the woman – I think she’s stupid, but I can kind of understand how she got suckered.

However, there are people out there who fall for the so-called ‘419 scams’, where people receive letters from people asking for British folk to help transfer money out of Africa due to various reasons which all equate to one thing – money laundering. The people who fall for these scams are not only stupid, but they’ve got absolutely no reason to feel aggrieved – after all, they’re greedy idiots who have agreed to perform an illegal activity in order to make some cash.

Many hundreds of people fall for these scams every year, ergo there must be many hundreds of greedy, stupid people out there who can be taken advantage of. Which gives me an idea...

I’m not going to scam people, or try and con them, I’m simply going to ask them to send me their money. The way I see it, asking people to send me the money they would have lost to criminal gangs helps both parties. I get rich, and they don’t have to suffer the ignominy of losing their money to a con artist. Oh, and also the money won’t get used to fund drug trafficking or prostitution, it’ll be used to buy gadgets, cigarettes, beer and a Pagani Zonda F. You may think this will never work, but there’s no accounting for people’s stupidity.

Things to do before I'm 30

I’m 28 in three days. This means I have 2 years and two days to do all the things I want to do before I’m thirty. Admittedly I haven’t actually sat down and put a list together of the things I want to do, so maybe that’s the first step.

Hmm, actually, it’s not as easy as you think, I mean, really, what am I going to do of any note in the next two years? So far the only thing I have on my list of things I want to do in the next two years and two days is ‘twins’, and I have a feeling that that’s something that will be down to chance, luck and a lot of alcohol.

I could add things like hang gliding, badger baiting and skydiving, but unless I actually get off my arse and make an effort to do these things they’re really not going to happen, and, if I’m honest, I’m not going to. So, here’s my realistic list:

Give up smoking
Learn to drive
Visit Australia
Take up smoking again

I know it’s only a short list, but once you take in to account the time I spend at work, asleep, in the pub and waiting for trains, that only leaves me a short amount of time to do the things on my list. Oh, and if the twins thing happens, that’ll give me even less time.

Look - a Moose!

I’m struggling to think of anything to write today. It’s been so long since my last post you’d think I’d have pages worth of material stored in my somewhat strange brain. Let’s face it, there’s so much happening at the moment – the government is telling us that we need to teach kids to read by telling them how letters sound (no, really) whilst at the same time telling us that it’s ok to carry up to seven grams of cocaine because you can class that as a personal stash (no, really). Also, a survey has just been completed that says one in ten men have paid for sex sometime in their lives (try ten in ten, find me one man who’s managed to get a woman in to bed without buying them a drink, dinner or paying for a cab and I’ll be impressed). Oh, and apparently truffles taste like romping in a field, according to the host of the cookery program that’s on in the background at the moment.

One very random thing I learnt today is that (apparently) it is illegal in Alaska to look at a moose from an aeroplane or other flying vehicle. I’ve always been a fan of these sorts of crazy laws, and I’m always tempted to test them. For example, if you did look at a moose from a plane in Alaska, would the local constabulary be waiting for you with some nice steel bracelets on the runway? Would the case get to court? Would the judge convict? Obviously if I was the judge I’d send the or bastard up on the charge straight to jail for a few months and then laugh about it afterwards down the pub, but I’m obviously not completely sane.

I believe there’s an equally strange law in the UK that says you’re allowed to shoot Scotsmen on Clapham Common as long as you use a long-bow. Now this one is really quite interesting. On the one hand, you’ve committed murder, which is very illegal, but on the other hand, by law, you were perfectly entitled to do so. I’m willing to bet my laptop that if you tried to get away with that one you’d get sent straight down, unless the judge was a Scot-hating duffer with a few loose screws, or me.

In case you’re wondering at this point why I found out that it’s illegal to look at a moose from a plane in Alaska, I was actually trying to find the shortest distance between Russia and America. I couldn’t remember the distance in miles (it’s something crazy like eight) but ended up getting sidetracked, which is quite common for me.

I also discovered recently that Microsoft have found a new way to cause system administrators headaches. They’ve launched a web-based version of Messenger, which is useful in as much as the IT department at work haven’t yet worked out I can use it (mind you, they also haven’t cottoned on the fact that there’s generally a USB hard disk sitting on my desk), but it’s sure to open up all sorts of security holes before long. If you happen to read about a large British bank being compromised by online instant messaging software, the chances are I’ll be involved in some way (and posting about it from a computer in the dole office).