No sleep 'til Brooklyn

Well nearly, there's a few days to go until I go to New York but not many! As such this is likely to be my last post until I get back unless I have a flash of inspiration at the pub tomorrow or at Heathrow. Rest assured when I get back though I'll have plenty to write about, after all the Americans are even more crazy than the English. Hell, they're nearly as crazy as the Dutch!

You may remember a while back I wrote a post about people having sex with animals. Well, it seems that some people have taken this to whole new levels. Popbitch today reported about a man in the states who was caught having sex with his wifes Labrador. That had been dead for three or four days. Now, how desperate must you be to actually do that? I can't imagine it's an impulse thing because any normal person wouldn't keep a dead dog around for four days, so the guy obviously thought "my wife's rubbish, I know, I'll keep the dogs corpse for a few days and then have my wicked way".

How bad would you feel if you were the wife?

A sort of blog update thing

Just a quick update around the blog really. You've probably noticed some small changes to the way the blog looks, just a few tweaks around the lists on the right and some colour changes mainly.

The really sharp ones of you out there may have noticed that the times of the blog changes have a), switched to 24HR format, and b), all gone up the swanny.

The reason for the times being up the spout is that after a year or so of blogging I've realised yuo can change the time zone you live in within the blogger settings. So I did, and it's retrospectively changed all the previous post times. Which I hadn't expected.

You may also notice the font size of the posts increases slightly from now on. There's a very good reason for that, too. I've set up email blogging so I can blog directly from my phone, which is great as I can post as and when the mood takes me. However, I've yet to figure out how to control font size when posting that way, and to be honest the text is quite small anyway (well, it is on my screen but I am running at a crazy resolution).

Anyway, please continue to read, talk about and generally promote the blog, I reckon I could be very nearly at a readership figure somewhere in double figures! Cock-on!

Mushrooms

Everybody knows that you can eat some mushrooms while others will kill you, or make you think you can fly. I'd have hated to be the poor bastard whose job it was to work out which was which.

"Here you go Joe, try this one"
"Gaaaak"

I bet the money's good though.

Evil twin

I've been thinking for a while that there's something missing in my life and I think I've finally worked out what it is. I need an evil twin. I reckon it would be really cool (I mean who could forget the evil Michael Knight from Knight Rider - awesome!).

Evil Hoff

Obviously my evil twin will have to look exactly like me, except with a little triangular goatee. He'll need a suitable name befitting an evil twin, something like 'Jason' or 'Ramone' maybe...

My Flickr account

I've set up a Flickr account so anyone who's interested can see photo's I've taken and uploaded. The account's linked to my mobile so I can upload pics in real time if something truly awesome happens, so keep an eye out for some really random photos very soon (certainly expect photos from New York!).

Here's the link so add it to your favourites...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/morals

Go go Ninja Dinosaur

Go to this website, buy the album. XFM played "The monkeys are breaking out of the zoo" the other morning and it's wicked. (I should point out it's all for charity (won't someone please think of the children?!)).

Apathy

Meh.

A buh-? No not a buh, a bomb!

I'm off to New York in a few weeks, and obviously there are still quite a few security measures in place to ensure no-one tries to hijack the plane with a plastic spork or go wild with a tube of toothpaste ("Tower this is Captain Johnson, we have an emergency up here - we're all minty fresh and free of gum disease!").

I'm assuming people are still fairly jumpy too, so I will be trying as hard as I can not to say any of the following during the trip:

• "I'm so excited I could explode!"
• "Now where did I leave my suitcase?"
• "A one way ticket please - I won't be coming back. Ever."
• "I will kill the infidel scum!"
• "What are you going to do with your 72 virgins?"

I wonder if they'll let me post to my blog from prison?

Kids say the funniest things

It's a well known fact that kids say funny things, it's what they're for (that and fetching another lager from the fridge when you're watching the telly). Normally the things they come out with are fairly innocuous, but occasionally they come out with an absolute gem.

My favourite ever comment I've heard leave a child's mouth was in the pub, when the son of a regular turned around to the barmaid and said "bloody hell, you've got massive tits". I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my life.