Merry Chrimbles

The Christmas season is now well and truly upon us, the shops are packed with twats who won't get out of my damn way, I can't be bothered to do any work and there are little puddles of sick in high streets all over the country!

Don't expect many posts over the next few weeks as I'm pretty much drunk from now until the New Year...

Merry Pissedmass everyone!

Baker Street

It had to happen sooner or later, and finally the time has come - a post all about taking the difficult brown instead of the easy pink... "You aint seen nothing yet" by Bachman Turner Overdrive was on the radio this morning and once again I was struck by the funny feeling it was about more than just meeting a lovely young lady. Having just taken a closer look at the lyrics I'm now convinced I'm right. Consider:

I met a devil woman
She took my heart away
She said, I've had it comin' to me
But I wanted it that way
I say that any love is good lovin'
So I took what I could get
mmh, mmh, mmh
She looked at me with her big brown eyes
And said,
You ain't seen nothin' yet
B-B-B-Baby,
you just ain't seen n-n-n-nothin' yet
Here's something that you're never gonna forget
B-B-B-Baby,
you just ain't seen n-n-n-nothin' yet
And you're thinkin' you ain't been around,
that's right

If you take the parts I've highlighted in bold and singularise the plural of eyes, I think I make a very strong case. Discuss at will.

Wii mongs

According to the Metro this morning some people are having trouble with the controller for the Nintendo Wii - apparently they're throwing it across the room when they try to serve in a tennis game. There's a simple solution to the problem - don't sell game consoles to mongs!

Stupid stupid people

In one of the free London rags tonight there's a story about an ambulance crew who followed their satnav to Manchester instead of London and didn't notice their mistake. For fucks sake, how do you possibly not realise something's wrong when a thirty minute journey suddenly takes eight hours?

Worse than that though, some dippy tart managed to get on a dual carriageway by following her satnav but on the wrong side of the road, which let's face it makes her fucking stupid. The fact she got two thirds of the way to London driving down the fast lane the wrong way? That's just plain scary. Seriously, people that stupid shouldn't be allowed to walk around town without a helper.

Hello? Hello? Yeah I'm on a plane! Nah, it's rubbish!

As everyone already knows, mobile (cell) phones are banned on pretty much every flight due to safety concerns (the crash of Crossair flight LX498 was attributed to mobile phone usage). The thing I've been wondering though, is what service provider are people that can get reception at 35,000 feet with?

Seriously, if Orange can't even get a signal to my local pub, how the hell can anyone get a signal six and a half miles up, in a metal container travelling at nearly 600MPH?

I'm planning on flying to the States in the new year so I may try an experiment. If you see a plane crash caused by a mobile phone on Sky News, chances are my experiment failed....