Late for work

As I write this I'm sat on a bus heading in the exact opposite direction to the direction I need to head to get to work. To say I'm going to be late today is somewhat of an understatement.

My excuse this morning is that my alarm didn't go off. Although this is 100% true the point is rendered moot by the fact it didn't go off whilst I was asleep in a different town to that in which I live. Of course, my boss doesn't need to know that.

I can get away with this for two reasons. Firstly, I'm being made redundant and don't care enough to be bothered about punctuality, and secondly I have a trusted colleague covering for me should the boss phone the office looking for me. It always pays to have someone who's willing to bullshit for you in an emergency, especially if you can pay them wih crisps and cans of Cherry Coke.

Today's excuse is probably the worst one I've used for some time. My favourite still has to be 'my washing machine flooded the kitchen'. I phoned that one in whilst curled up on the sofa with the girl who'd spent the night with me, drinking tea and generally not giving two shits and a fuck about being in the office. I should have been given an Oscar for my performance that morning. On the phone.

The all time best excuse (which I've yet to use) for being late / not going to work has to be 'I shat myself on the train'. Enjoy that mental image.