The following is a guide to getting the most out of any calls you make to call centres. By following these simple steps you can be sure your query will be dealt with quickly, efficiently and won’t be filed in the special round filing cabinet located under the desk.
- When you phone through, don’t say hello, just give your name. To gain extra brownie points with the call centre operator, don’t bother mentioning why you’re phoning, we can usually guess by the way the phone rings.
- Always be as curt as possible, and if asked for personal details in order to locate your account / file feel free to get huffy and abuse the operator. After all, they should know all your personal details, even if they’ve never spoken to you before.
- On a related note, if you are asked security questions, and can’t answer them, get angry when you are refused any information. Security questions are only there after all to annoy you, that whole thing about being there to stop any Tom, Dick or Harry accessing your personal, sensitive information is bullshit.
- When giving phone numbers, just rattle them off as fast as you like. Call centre operators can listen to you and type at lightning speed, even in a noisy office on a bad phone line. Don’t repeat the number if asked for clarification, this will show you up as a novice!
- Always shout at the person you are talking to, and give them as much abuse as possible. Swearing, and abusing the call centre agent will help you forge a good relationship and ensure an efficient response to your enquiry.
- Call centre agents may not admit it at first, but they know everything about the company they work for. Everything and everyone. Therefore, feel free to phone through to any department you wish at random and ask to speak to an obscure member of staff from a different department. If the operator is in any way unsure as the identity of this person and can’t rattle their number straight off, chastise them strongly.
- Call centre operators are lonely people with plenty of spare time on their hands, so feel free to give them your life story every time you call. The agent will be only too pleased to listen to you talking about your operation, or how well little Johnny is doing in school. After all, they don’t have targets to hit, and other people won’t be waiting to get through so take all the time you like. Call centre operators aren't trained to ask the questions they need in order to get any pertinent information.
- Spend twenty minutes complaining about the cost of your phone calls, as call centre operators love the irony so much the 20 minutes of moaning is almost enjoyable!
- If you’re told a resolution to your problem will take 2 days, call every two hours to complain nothing has been done. That will speed things up a treat. Feel free to complain about the cost of your phone calls at this point too!
- Demand to speak to a supervisor the moment you get through to anyone in a call centre. The supervisor will be able to change the company’s processes and procedures just for you, so there’s no point talking to the first person who answers the phone. Also, if you are told the person you want to speak to is in a meeting / sick / on leave, you're being lied to, so continue to insist on speaking to that person, the operator will have their personal mobile number and will happily give it out if you ask.
- Arguing with call centre agents is always worthwhile. They don’t receive any training, and don’t deal with queries like yours on a regular basis, and therefore have no knowledge about the subject of which you are speaking. Also, arguing the same point in a circular conversation yields great results each and every time.
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